I fought the law, and the law won.

FACT:
I got a speeding ticket this summer.

FACT:
I qualified for one of those Basic Driver Improvement Courses to keep the points off my record (YAY!).

FACT:
The deadline to complete the course is FRIDAY. Crap.

(Yes, it's been like 2 months since the "infraction"; yes, they offer these courses online (thank God); No, I don't REALLY need it, I'm an excellent driver.)

So, this course thingy says it takes at least FOUR HOURS to complete ..... and I'm thinking, "Hey, I'm smarter than the average bear, I bet I can knock this out in an hour or two -- they always overestimate stuff like this ..."

I "click here to register" ...

I pay my money ...

I start the course ...

Then, I find out that I am, in fact, not smarter than the technology contained within the "course" that REQUIRES a minimum amount of time be spent on EACH SECTION. (And here I thought the breakdown in the beginning was an estimate, or a suggestion -- "Part 1: 5 minutes; Part 2: 15 minutes; Part 3: 30 minutes ....." and so on. FYI, there are 7 or 8 parts. Oy.) I fly through Part 1, click through to take the quiz for that section, and am met with a screen telling me I need to spend some more time "studying" the contents of the section ... it even gives me the EXACT NUMBER OF MINUTES before I'll be able to attempt to take the quiz.

Sonofa ....

I've said this before, I am a slow learner.
I am currently through Part 4, and with EACH AND EVERY SECTION, I have tried to take the quiz before completing the required amount of time studying (which surely comes as NO SHOCK to anyone that went to school with me). And, shockingly (only to me), I am met with the "annoying screen of time suck" (as I now affectionately refer to it) each time.

Here's another cool (READ: Effing Annoying) feature to this online "course": At the start, it asks you a set of "personal questions", for "security purposes" ... About 5 minutes into Part 1, I found out why/how those personal questions are put to use:
This yellow box appears at the top of the screen, and in teeny tiny black font, there's some blinking text -- it's the kind of thing that can be easily dismissed as an ad, or pop up window to be ignored. And, while it CAN be dismissed, I now know that it should NOT be ignored. See, the teeny tiny text is one of those "personal questions", and, if the correct answer (as supplied in the beginning) isn't provided within what can best be described as a VERY SHORT PERIOD OF TIME, this oh-so-intelligent online driving improvement course IMMEDIATELY LOGS YOU OUT OF THE SYSTEM! The kicker is, when you log back in, while you are, in fact, returned to the section where you were when you got chucked offline, it takes you back to PAGE ONE of that section (annoying and inconvenient if you were on page 20).

Sarcasm Alert: I'm certain the purpose of this course is to provide useful information for those of us that are clearly threats on the road, but you tell me how effective it is when these are the two facts I've come away with so far in my "studies":

1. According to this test, sniffing Rubber Cement can be considered a "controlled substance"; and,
2. When asking the question, "What major organs are affected most by alcohol?", the answers they are looking for (there are 3, by the way), do NOT include "penis". (For you curious types, the correct answers are brain, liver, stomach. See, I am trainable.)


Irony Alert: So, my punishment for SPEEDING is to take this course -- And, I continue to attempt to complete it too quickly (not unlike my driving).

See? Slow. Learner.