Kalamazoo Mom of 2: SON OF A .....

Thursday, July 14, 2011

SON OF A .....

My old (as in former, not advanced-in-age, necessarily) morning show partner used this phrase, A LOT: "Joker. Joker. And a triple."

I have adopted it, used it in MANY instances over the years, and NOW, I can say, I have lived it (in it's sarcastic form, that is).

JOKER:
Not long ago, I received a speeding ticket, from a condescending and "disrespectful" (according to my 6 yr old) cop. After walking back to his car, Princess asked, "Mom, why would he keep asking you questions when he CLEARLY didn't want to hear an answer?" Good question, kiddo. (Despite WANTING to respond with, "Because he's an asshat, sweetie." ... I simply shrugged and said, "Maybe he's having a bad day.")

JOKER:
Storms ripped through our area on Monday and our neighbor's tree fell on our house. Our neighbor left the day before for Alaska. Irony Alert: Last summer when he and the wife were in Alaska, another neighbor's tree fell on their house. Bottom line - henceforth, said neighbor is no longer allowed to travel to Alaska. Seems reasonable, yes? (BTW, we are all fine, tree is no longer ON the house, BUT it is still sitting in the yard...)

AND THE TRIPLE:
Kids and I were rear-ended while at a DEAD STOP, sitting at a red light, waiting to turn right. The kicker? Lady that hit us was driving a car she's in the PROCESS of buying, and had NO paperwork (registration, proof of insurance, etc.); She had a handicapped sticker hanging from her mirror (said she's been disabled for 10 years - she walked and talked just fine so not sure what the disability is) AND, this is my "favorite" part, she is a pregnant SMOKER!

PS - Good thing our insurance guy is someone that I've known for a LONG time. I can only imagine his reaction to the voicemail I just left that started with, "Hi. It's Reggie (that's what he calls me), I know you called to answer my questions about tree removal and roofing bids, but I can't talk right now, I'm waiting for the cops to show up because I just got rear-ended by a lady with no insurance ....)

Can't make this stuff up.

And, to Mother Nature, Lady Luck, or anyone else that's listening, I OFFICIALLY CALL "UNCLE!"

Please. And, thank you.

-- Post From My iPhone

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Things you may not know ...

Here are 25 (very random) things about me. (And, yes, some of you have seen this list someplace else ...)

1) I went to an all girls, Catholic high school, where our detentions were called JUGS (Justice Under God – true story).

2) My husband and I met as ski instructors

3) I worked at Disneyland in the summer of 1989

4) I worked at an Olympic training facility and for a minor league baseball team.

5) I did morning radio longer than anything else.

6) I should have been a teacher.

7) I used to say I was going to be the first female MLB umpire.

8) I can drive a zamboni

9) My Mom and Nana are both breast cancer survivors. I’m terrified I’ll get it someday.

10) I love swimming in the ocean, and playing in the mountains.

11) Our daughter is named after one of my favorite people.

12) Our son is named after both of our fathers.

13) Growing up, I asked for a unicycle every Christmas. ( I never got one) AMENDMENT: Dad gave me one for my 40th birthday. Funny guy ...)

14) I HATE scary movies – they give me nightmares (even as an adult).

15) I LOVE roller coasters.

16) I hate it when the play-doh colors get mixed together.

17) I still think I could be in the movies (even though I’ve never acted a day in my life).

18) I wish I were more patient.

19) And less stubborn.

20) I can keep a secret.

21) Reggie Jackson is my favorite baseball player of all-time.

22) I don’t do my own taxes.

23) I’m allergic to most fruit. I’m REALLY allergic to cucumbers.

24) I don’t browse WebMD anymore (when I do, I’m convinced I’m dying).

25) I actually saw the Grateful Dead perform live (at Soldier Field, summer ’92, Sting opened). My seats could not have been further from the stage (literally).