Proceed with EXTREME caution

(which is code for, if you're not "in" to expletives, might be best to skip this particular entry entirely)

The phrase, "Today was one of those days" doesn't even begin to describe it. I know I have mentioned this before, but my favorite book as a child was this:



And, today, (language alert) Alexander seems like one lucky little bastard.

Here's how it started ... On the way out the door to take Princess to school this morning, I realized that I should probably send a note stating she'd had a dose of Benadryl at 8am (she had an incident at school yesterday - a little freaky for them because she has a peanut allergy - and long story short, they now have the ability/permission to give her Benadryl when she gets rashy from things OTHER than peanuts); so I grabbed a blank note off of one of the frig pads and ran out the door. As Princess was getting out of the car, I scribbled out the note and shoved it in her pocket, and told her to give it to her teacher.
It wasn't until about 11am that I realized that the notepad from which I'd grabbed the piece of paper said this on the top:

"I'll have a cafe mocha vodka valium latte to go, please!" (Thank you, JJ)

No shit. Oh the irony that the note was an attempt to PREVENT overdosing my daughter.

The rest of the morning was spent trying to get some work done at home, while explaining to Little Man (no less than the ten times) that when I tell him his birthday list is in his head, he won't be able to shake his head vigorously to feel it. While I (now) understand that this is too complex for him to grasp at almost 4 years of age, I must admit, it is still humorous to watch the head-shaking.

Mommy Explosion #1 occurred later in the day upon discovery of an open marker left unattended on Little Man's bed that had leaked onto his comforter and snuggly blanket. And, because today is worse than one of those days, it wasn't one of those washable markers - NOOOOOO - it was one of the silly-ass "NEON EXPLOSION" markers. Yeah, of course it was. (And, no, the spots are still not out ...)

Mommy Explosion #2 occurred after picking Princess up from school and heading to Target (or, The Popcorn Store, as Little Man calls it). See, for Valentine's Day, I bought Princess the game Connect Four because I remembered that we'd recently played it together and she LOVED it. Turns out, we'd played the game that SHE HAD GOTTEN FOR CHRISTMAS (not from me - thank God I haven't gone completely batshit crazy). Anyway, feeling guilty, I told her we'd exchange it for a new DS game.
Let's just say that while at Target - each child asked for at least 30 things despite being warned, poked, grabbed, stared at, ignored, etc., hence the aforementioned #2 explosion.

Mommy Explosion #2.5 was really just a continuation of M.E.#2, only louder since we were no longer in a public place and they were both strapped into car seats without an escape.
Actually, that might count as Mommy Explosions 2.5 AND 3!

The mandated timeouts seemed to be effective behavior-modification tools - for about 3 minutes. Bickering, tattling, fighting, & whining led to Mommy Explosion #4, where it was strongly suggested that if cooperation & kind words could be utilized, then Mommy expected NO noise at all. NO talking, NO whispering, NO pointing, NO nothing.

It was like having dinner with Monks. And, today, I only feel slightly guilty that I enjoyed it.

After dinner, I gave them a 15 minute shot at redemption. They headed into Little Man's room - there were sweet sounds of giggles, and happiness, and brotherly/sisterly love. I heard Little Man gleefully shout, "I'm gonna go show Momma - be right back, ok?!!" Then, in his haste, he tripped out of his room, slammed into the laundry room doors and pinched his finger so badly it swelled immediately and turned white.

What. The. Eff??

Oh, and Princess lost her third tooth today - at school - but left it there in her desk, so, no tooth fairy tonight (her words, not mine).

Alexander hasn't got JACK on our household today -- and if anyone has a line on where I could actually find a "cafe mocha vodka valium latte", I'll take three. K? Thanks.