Clean cars and hand warmers

Yesterday was a very nice day, thanks to my very dear friend, D.

Here's how things went:

8:25am: Get a call from D that goes something like this, "Hey, the roads are AWFUL. Be really careful. I am taking the kids to my parents right now and it's treacherous. I really don't think I'm going to make it in time to meet you at Coffee Bar before we - OH NO! DAMMIT! I gotta go ..."

For the next 25 minutes, visions of D and her kids in a ditch - or worse - raced through my head, until I texted, "Um, are you ok?" and she called back letting me know that they were fine, just that her life had flashed before her eyes.

OK, whew, glad it was no big deal. **Note, sarcasm** (But, seriously, she's gotta stop doing that!)

9:15am: Left house and headed to Coffee Bar for Toasted Marshmellow Americanos.

10:05am: Arrived at Auto Shine Detailing in Kalamazoo where I left the car and climbed into a Super Stretch Lincoln Navigator SUV limo for a day of pampering, shopping and fun with D and two new friends.

Oh, and it was all, FREE.

From here, the times are sketchy, since a) I don't wear a watch, and b) my phone would ring if anyone (like the babysitter) needed me!

Our limo driver, Rodney, was awesome (turns out, we'd met before, years ago, when I worked at the station and we brought David Spade to town). He carted us ALL OVER in icky weather, and was very nice.

We got massages and pampering at The Greenery Spa, we had TO DIE FOR chocolates and tea at ChocolaTea (I'm not usually a tea drinker, but, WOW yumminess), we had one more stop, which I'll get to in a sec, before heading to Olde Peninsula Brewpub for DElish eats and drinks.

OK, now, back to the final stop on the shopping leg of our adventure. Otter's Oasis. I beg of you, click on the link, and keep in mind the following: this adventure of ours was the result of a radio station holiday promotion where ANYONE has a shot at winning. Anyone.

So, the winner and her guest are both RNs at an area hospital, mid 30s, and, thankfully VERY good-natured.
We walk in and it's (as their website proclaims) Hookah Central. Literally. And, floor-to-ceiling pipes and smoking accessories, such as, Acrylic Pipes, Bubbling Hammers, Bubbling sidecars, Chillums (whose name, I can only imagine, was born after a long night of partaking in products requiring such an apparatus by a group of giggling friends over a bag of Doritos or Funyuns), Percolating Water Pipes, and, well, you get the idea.
Otter's is also THE Detox Depot in town, apparently, as their website boasts Body Cleansing Products, Emergency Cleansers, Saliva Cleansing Products and Synthetic Urine Kits.
I provide all this information not to judge, rather, to tell of the most hilarious conversational exchange of the day, and, (later) to prove a point.

So, our limo pulls up to Otter's Oasis and the four of us (all in the vicinity of 40ish) pile out. Now, we all knew what the store was, but D (being the station "representative") thought that there would be hemp jewelery, hemp clothing, and, shall we say, a wider array of product choices. Thankfully (for D and the station), while none of us are the target demo, the station's winner was not at all offended. They lucked out, for sure. Could have been really bad if the winner had been super conservative with the inability to laugh at such a scenario.

And laugh we did, especially at the exchange laid out below.

Scene: Station winner, "M" holding 2 different sized boxes of this detoxifier. Keep in mind, "M" is an adorable blonde who weighs about 95 lbs soaking wet. She'd fit in my pocket. Bitch.

Anyway ..... the conversation .....

M (to the 20ish girl working): What's the difference between the big box and the little one - they both say "Drink entire contents". (M is holding the big box, by the way).

Girl: Well, they go by how much you weigh - like this one (pointing to the one M is holding) is technically for 250 lbs and up - but it also depends on how much you use. Like me, I use A LOT, so I need the big one (she too could not have weighed much more than 110 lbs).

** So, picture a 250 lb man ... and now picture someone the size of Courtney Cox needing as much detoxifier as that man to get all the toxins out of her body from frequent "use".**

M: Oh, I don't use.

Girl (with a look that only be described as truly shocked): WHAT? Well, then why are you buying this?

M: Well, I just thought it was a body cleanser, you know, to get everyday toxins and bad stuff out of your body.

Girl: Uh, no. You don't need this. This is really, just for, like an emergency. Like if you had to take a drug test tomorrow.

It was at this point that we discovered a box of hand warmers (shit you not) and used the $100 Gift Certificate to buy several pair for each of us. Because, after all, none of us needed to cleanse for an upcoming drug test. Whew.

Have you ever been in a store with $100 (not-of-your) dollars to spend and had difficulty? I hadn't either. Until yesterday.

It was hilarious.

Then we had lunch downtown where some other friends joined. It was a great day.

When we were dropped back off at our cars, my minivan which, has fallen victim to two small children, was sparkling like the day we bought it. Seriously, it was the best Christmas present. I am thankful that D is SO BUSY she didn't have time to clean out her own minivan in time to have the detailing done, thus yours truly benefited. Mightily!

It was a wonderful day with friends and laughter. Capped by a family Rudolph-watching evening all snuggled up in one bed.

Gotta LOVE the holiday season!