Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, and Pluto's a dog. What's Goofy?

So, I stumbled upon an interesting thing … apparently, representatives from the Walt Disney World College Program will be at Western Michigan University tomorrow for recruiting purposes.

The press release on WMU’s website says the program offers a paid fall semester internship at Disney World (Orlando, FL) that provides living, learning and work experience.

** I will mention here, that I was involved with this program during a summer long, LONG ago. But I was at Disneyland (Anaheim, CA). **

Hold that thought. I’ll get back to summer 1989 in a sec …

So, the Walt Disney World College Program's “learning aspect” (which now has a fancy-shmansy name), is outlined as including “core business classes, elective seminars and self-directed study opportunities”.

I’m here to tell you that two outta those three things did not exist back in the day. And the phrase “study opportunities” leaves room for interpretation, I think.

But I digress …

The “work experience” is described as placing students “in positions at various theme parks, resorts and other Disney operations. Students serve as ‘cast members’ in areas such as merchandising, transportation, attractions, food services, custodial services, hospitality and serving as lifeguards”.

TRANSLATION: You WILL NOT get to be Mickey or Donald, Cinderella, Snow White or any of the dwarfs.
“Other Disney operations”, means GOOD LUCK landing a gig in the Magic Kingdom … (and if, by chance, you do, duties could include filling bins with 3-D glasses, placing them in a giant Freon (I think) machine to disinfect them, and then stacking the bins of clean glasses to be reused.)

Yep, that was one of the duties for which I was responsible back in the day. Actually, I landed a (mostly) cool gig thanks to some family favors called in on my behalf. I worked at the “Captain EO” attraction. (If you are unfamiliar, that was the 3-D sci fi film that starred Michael Jackson, was directed by Francis Ford Coppola, and the executive producer was George Lucas.) The film ran at the Disney theme parks back in the 80s and 90s.

Aside from Welcome scripts, pre- and post-show scripts, and general crowd control duties, we, as “cast members” also had the shitty task of cleaning all the 3-D glasses. Lucky for me, I was one of the few people who truly enjoyed memorizing and delivering those speeches to crowds of up to 800 people, and other “cast members” (seriously, that’s what Disney workers are called) who preferred not to hold the mic and hear themselves over the speakers, were all too eager to trade duties. So, I took extra turns hamming it up with the crowds (shocking) and skipped a few rotations in the 100+ degree heat at the freon machine thingy.

OK, so back to the whole “learning experience” part of the internship description … I was in California, and most of the students in the program were either from Arizona or Arizona State. And, they were CRAZY PARTY PEOPLE. CRAZY. PARTY. PEOPLE.

We worked all night (true story – the park was rented out for Grad Night parties and stuff) and slept or beached it during the days.

And there were “field trips” sponsored by the program. We went to some pretty cool places, but the most memorable adventure was the bus trip to Tijuana. The trip itself is for an entirely different blog post altogether, suffice it to say, for a couple of us, it was a one way bus trip...

So back to the whole "learning aspect" of the Walt Disney World College Program - I took no core business classes, and as far as the "elective seminars and self-directed study opportunities" are concerned, who wouldn't LOVE a syllabus that includes happy hour at a local Mexican restaurant and pitchers of CHEAP margaritas? I mean, c'mon.

OK, seriously, here’s what I learned:
1) I know the difference between Chip and Dale
2) I can name all 7 dwarfs
3) "They" (Disney honchos) mean it when they say "cast members" cannot point. Under penalty of death (or at least a severe tongue lashing), if a guest asks for directions, you must use your whole hand (or at least TWO fingers) when gesturing - YOU MAY NOT USE YOUR INDEX FINGER AND POINT. Ever.
4) Had I attended ASU, I would certainly have perished due to alcohol poisoning.
5) (This one is important) When taking a group bus trip to Tijuana – the departure times are NOT approximates. They’re real. And if you’re late, trying to get outta Mexico can take a LONG time and cost A LOT of money. (Also, FYI, US Customs frowns upon open bottles of tequila being carried into the country … even if you’re walking.)

6) Oh yeah, and I know Goofy is NOT a dog.